When we think about anxiety, we often picture someone who is visibly nervous, worried, or afraid.
But anxiety doesn’t always look the way we expect it to.
Sometimes it looks like irritability.
Sometimes it looks like procrastination.
Sometimes it looks like perfectionism, difficulty sleeping, stomach problems, avoiding plans, repeatedly asking for reassurance, or feeling exhausted even when you haven’t done very much.
And sometimes, the person experiencing anxiety doesn’t recognize it as anxiety at all.
What Are Some Less Obvious Signs of Anxiety?
Anxiety can affect people in very different ways, and the signs aren’t always obvious.
Some less recognized signs of anxiety can include:
- Irritability or becoming easily frustrated
- Procrastination or difficulty getting started
- Avoiding certain situations, places, or activities
- Perfectionism or fear of making mistakes
- Frequently seeking reassurance
- Difficulty making decisions
- Feeling overwhelmed by seemingly small tasks
- Withdrawing from activities or social situations
Experiencing one or more of these signs doesn’t necessarily mean that someone has an anxiety disorder. However, when these patterns are persistent or begin interfering with everyday life, it may be helpful to explore what is contributing to them.
Anxiety Can Show Up in the Body
Anxiety isn’t experienced only through our thoughts.
Our bodies can react too.
Someone experiencing anxiety may notice headaches, muscle tension, a racing heart, nausea, stomach discomfort, sweating, difficulty sleeping, or a feeling that they simply cannot relax.
For some people, physical symptoms are actually the first thing they notice.
This can be particularly confusing when you don’t consciously feel worried.
The body may be responding to stress even when your mind is saying, “I’m fine.”
Anxiety Can Look Like Avoidance
Avoidance is another common way anxiety can appear.
A child may suddenly complain of a stomach-ache before school.
A teenager may stop participating in something they once enjoyed.
An adult may repeatedly postpone making a phone call, attending an event, driving somewhere unfamiliar, or having a difficult conversation.
Avoidance often brings immediate relief. If we don’t do the thing that makes us anxious, the anxiety temporarily decreases.
Unfortunately, that relief can reinforce the avoidance.
Over time, the list of situations that feel uncomfortable can begin to grow.
Anxiety Can Look Like Perfectionism
Perfectionism can sometimes be driven by anxiety rather than simply by high standards.
A person may spend excessive amounts of time checking their work, struggle to make decisions, become extremely upset by small mistakes, or avoid trying something altogether if they aren’t confident they will do it well.
Children and teenagers may become distressed over grades or assignments even when they are doing well academically.
Adults may constantly question whether they are performing well enough at work, as a parent, in their relationships, or in other areas of their lives.
Underneath perfectionism, there can be a powerful fear of making a mistake, disappointing someone, or not being “good enough.”
Anxiety Can Look Like Irritability
Not everyone becomes quiet or withdrawn when they’re anxious.
Some people become impatient, frustrated, angry, or easily overwhelmed.
This is especially important to recognize in children and teenagers.
A child who appears defiant may actually be overwhelmed by a situation they don’t know how to explain.
A teenager who becomes irritable whenever school is mentioned may be experiencing significant academic or social anxiety.
Behaviour tells us that something is happening—but it doesn’t always tell us exactly what.
Sometimes we need to look beneath the behaviour to understand what the person may be experiencing.
Anxiety Can Look Like Procrastination
Procrastination is often mistaken for laziness or a lack of motivation.
But sometimes procrastination is connected to anxiety.
A task may feel so overwhelming, or the fear of doing it incorrectly may feel so uncomfortable, that putting it off provides temporary relief.
This can happen with school assignments, paperwork, phone calls, emails, appointments, or even everyday decisions.
The problem is that delaying the task often creates more stress later, which can lead to even more anxiety.
What looks like “I don’t want to do this” may sometimes be closer to “I’m overwhelmed and I don’t know how to start.”
Anxiety Can Look Like Needing Reassurance
“Are you sure everything is okay?”
“Do you think I did something wrong?”
“What if something happens?”
Seeking reassurance is something most of us do occasionally.
With anxiety, however, reassurance can become repetitive.
The answer may provide relief for a few minutes, but then the uncertainty returns and the person feels the need to ask again.
This can happen with children, teenagers, and adults.
While reassurance may temporarily reduce anxiety, learning to tolerate some uncertainty can be an important part of developing confidence in our ability to handle difficult feelings and situations.
Anxiety Can Be Easy to Hide
Some people become very skilled at hiding their anxiety.
They may perform well at school or work, maintain relationships, meet their responsibilities, and appear calm and capable to everyone around them.
Internally, however, they may be overthinking constantly, worrying about making mistakes, replaying conversations, anticipating what could go wrong, or putting enormous pressure on themselves.
This is one reason we shouldn’t assume that someone is doing well simply because they appear to be functioning well.
Sometimes the people who seem to have everything under control are working extremely hard to keep it that way.
When Is It Time to Reach Out?
Feeling anxious sometimes is a normal part of being human.
Anxiety becomes more concerning when it begins interfering with everyday life.
It may be worth speaking with a professional when anxiety is affecting school, work, sleep, relationships, social activities, family life, self-confidence, or someone’s ability to do things they want or need to do.
You also don’t have to wait until anxiety becomes severe.
Understanding what is happening, and learning new ways of responding to it, can be valuable at any stage.
Looking Beyond the Surface
One of the most important things to remember about anxiety is that what we see on the outside doesn’t always reflect what someone is experiencing internally.
Behind the perfectionism may be fear.
Behind the procrastination may be overwhelm.
Behind the irritability may be worry.
Behind the avoidance may be someone who desperately wants to participate but doesn’t yet know how to manage what they’re feeling.
Sometimes understanding anxiety begins with becoming curious about what might be happening beneath the surface.
At Harmonia Therapy Center in Châteauguay, our clinicians work with children, adolescents and adults experiencing anxiety and related concerns. Different clinicians bring different areas of experience and approaches, allowing services to be adapted to the individual rather than expecting one approach to work for everyone.
You don’t have to wait until anxiety takes over your life before reaching out.